{"id":7,"date":"2007-08-28T12:25:06","date_gmt":"2007-08-28T18:25:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/?p=7"},"modified":"2007-08-29T20:24:41","modified_gmt":"2007-08-30T02:24:41","slug":"hoppin-over-the-sweeper","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/?p=7","title":{"rendered":"Hoppin’ Over the Sweeper"},"content":{"rendered":"

… or, better yet, jumping the broom<\/a>. A good friend* of mine recently got engaged, so I thought I’d spend a little time today passing along advice about being married. I’ve had tons of experience,** so I’m clearly qualified to hand out the words o’ wisdom.<\/p>\n

\n

Skippy’s Marital Advice<\/strong>:<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And, I really, really mean it. So, take that advice to heart.<\/p>\n

Wait. You wanted something sagacious? Something meaty, something you could stick a matrimonial fork into? Well, here’s the deal: I know nothing, except each day the Insta-Princess takes one of her dainty feet and kicks me in the direction she wants me to go. She has all these rules I gotta follow, and I must say\u00e2\u20ac\u201djust between you and me\u00e2\u20ac\u201dthat some of them are pretty durn selfish. For example, I’m not allowed to date anymore. Not even first<\/em> dates, where, statistically-speaking, chances of getting any are the lowest of any date, numbers 1- 10.<\/p>\n

“You’re also not allowed to cheat,” she warned me. Oh, sure, take the fun out of it. I mean, if there’s anything I learned from Lifetime movies, it’s that men are supposed to cheat and otherwise be bastards. (True, I’m also supposed to be a doctor and drive a BMW, but I figured we were just reading from a different script.) I can’t cheat, I’m not even allowed to date, so I don’t know what else she can do to\u00e2\u20ac\u201d<\/p>\n

“The serial killing? Stop it. Stop it now. It’s embarrassing.”<\/p>\n

What? Geez, now I can’t even have a hobby.<\/p>\n

So, there you go, my pretty, betrothed friend. My advice to you is to not take away his hobby. That can really kill a relationship.<\/p>\n

* She’s pretty. There are, admittedly, two hundred (and six) other qualities that help make a good friend, but “she’s pretty” ain’t too shabby a start. Unless you’re a male. Then it’s a toss-up.<\/font><\/p>\n
** Just over four years. Plus, I used to watch The Cosby Show<\/a> a lot. (Which is why I’m occasionally surprised to remember that the Insta-Princess isn’t a lawyer with vague lawyerly duties. And that Lisa Bonet isn’t my daughter… which is good, ’cause I probably shouldn’t feel that way about any daughter I might have. ) <\/font><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

… or, better yet, jumping the broom. A good friend* of mine recently got engaged, so I thought I’d spend a little time today passing along advice about being married. I’ve had tons of experience,** so I’m clearly qualified to hand out the words o’ wisdom. Skippy’s Marital Advice: And, I really, really mean it. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-live-a-little"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.skipfitz.net\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}